Co-contributors Toby Cray and Alex Hunt
The village accommodation has been taken over by an invasive species, that seems to do nothing but mate.
As one disturbed witness states: “They are everywhere, it is horrific, when will the university get a grip of this?
“It carries on 24/7. My sleep is constantly being disrupted by the pig like grunting and occasional squeals of delight.”
The university has responded stating: “We urge all students to refrain from having sex within university grounds, we have created a chastity task force to deal with this situation.
“Based upon government guidelines, we are issuing a procreational permit for those who can do so safely.”
One reporter visited the scene, and within the sea of bodies, they identified a lecture participating. When questioned about their behaviour, they responded: “It is the only way to get any action nowadays.”
Toby Cray is a second-year journalism student at the University of Leicester. You can find him on Instagram here: @toby5.c. Alex Hunt is a second-year ancient history student.