Imagined by Toby Cray

The University of Leicester delivered a stingy rebuke to the University and College Union’s (UCU) industrial action, labelling them as greedy bastards who do not give a toss about students.

The explosive statement was sent around to students in an email update displaying elements of hostility. The email stated: “Those evil, greedy bastards are targeting students just to earn themselves a pay bump, even though the poor old university can’t afford to pay these millionaires anymore.”

In a traditional PR move, they pitted pay rises for staff versus cuts to students services, stating: “The only way to give in to their unreasonable demands is to severely cut student services and support.”

The UCU’s response to this statement was rather muted, disappointing the onlookers who eagerly awaited the annual mud-slinging contest.

However, after a new, more transmissible variant appeared, students now have hope that the COVID apocalypse will finally happen, meaning that they will finally get a break from the never-ending strikes.

Image: Ellie Fleury


Toby Cray is a final-year journalism student and the magazine’s Vice President. You can find him on Twitter here.

You can read Toby’s satirical work on his personal blog.