What is National Coming Out Day (NCOD)?

What is National Coming Out Day (NCOD)?

National Coming Out Day was first celebrated on October 11, 1988. Homophobia thrives in silence and for a closeted individual, hiding their identity can make them regress further inside themselves and experience internalised homophobia. NCOD is a day to celebrate the bravery of LGBT+ people at different stages of coming out. To celebrate such an important day, we invited students, SU Staff and Officers to share their stories, capturing the uniqueness of these experiences.

Tell us your experience of the first time you came out to someone

A: The most beautiful thing about occupying multiple queer identities and exploring them gracefully means I have come out many times. The first time, I was around 10 years old. I was sitting on my primary school field with a bunch of my classmates. We were making casual conversations when I blurted out “Guys, I think I’m bisexual. I like boys and girls.” They replied “Okay, cool!” and we went back to our previous conversation.

Describe how you felt afterwards

A: Their reaction lifted a massive weight off my shoulders. For many, you usually come out to your friends first and then your family. Being accepted by my friends gave me the courage to tell my parents a couple years later. It was nice to know I had support around me.

Do you have any words of advice or encouragement to give from your experience?

A: Sometimes your cultural background may mean that a beautiful experience like coming out can instead be a memory of pain and trauma. It’s important to think about whether coming out to certain people is necessary. Coming out will not change the beautiful identity you have. Surround yourself with Chosen Family.

• Nicholas Farmer, Liberation Officer 2022/2023, (they/he)

Tell us your experience of the first time you came out to someone

It was the first time I came out to my friends in secondary school, and I was so nervous because at 15 in an all-girls Catholic school, it was an incredibly nerve-wracking thing so I’d taken them on a walk around the playground and explained everything and they were very understanding and accepting and I think from there every time became easier and easier because I had that great experience to start off with.

Describe how you felt afterwards

I was relieved but also didn’t feel like I had to be so hard on myself anymore about hiding this big secret because realistically, it wasn’t a huge part of who I am or why people wanted me as their friend.

Do you have any words of advice or encouragement to give from your experience?

Acceptance from other people is fantastic but ultimately you have to be comfortable and at peace with yourself and that’s always the most important thing. And if the people who are supposed to accept you don’t then there’s always someone who will.

• Ebony Harding, Liberation and Inclusion Advisor (they/them)

Coming out is entirely your choice and no one else’s. You are completely valid either way – no one is any less queer or trans for not telling people!

Jazz, former Equality & Liberation Champion (she/her)

Tell us your experience of the first time you came out to someone

A: Coming out to my dad the morning after telling my mum was significant. This was during lockdown, and I needed to tell my family I was trans and gay, after 5 years of keeping it secret. We took my dad aside and told him and his reaction was ‘I could’ve told you that; he’s been wearing a 3-piece suit for the past 2 years’. My parents have been good. It has been a process coming out, but mostly everyone I’ve told have had positive reactions and have my back.

Describe how you felt afterwards

A: After coming out the first time, it felt as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Each time I’ve told the important people in my life, it has felt less and less like I had to hide myself away and that I could be me unapologetically.

Do you have any words of advice or encouragement to give from your experience?

A: My best advice is to surround yourself with people who love you for you. That can be family by blood or the chosen family you make along your journey. Be with people where you can be unapologetic about who you are.

• Nick Martin, LGBT+ Society President (he/him)

Tell us your experience of the first time you came out to someone

A: With my friends, I casually mentioned it in a conversation about relationships. I had one person say, “I don’t think you look bi”, but when I asked them, “what’s a bi person supposed to look like?”, they realised what they said was stereotypical, then everyone was just cool with it and we kept chatting normally.

Coming out to my mum, I put it off for about a decade because I anticipated she may be judgemental. She reluctantly said “…if you’re happy, I’m happy”, but doesn’t talk about it around anyone as if it’s supposed to be hidden. I feel like she treats my relationships as less legitimate than my straight brothers.

Describe how you felt afterwards

A: After coming out to my friends, I felt more comfortable and authentic around them. Being queer is an important part of my extracurriculars in uni life (as an equality advocate and educator). Being openly out at Leicester has brought me some amazing opportunities and makes me feel joy, freedom, pride and success!

With my mum, I was disappointed to not be supported. It feels like I’m “just tolerated” rather than truly accepted – this makes me feel glad that I feel accepted at uni.

Do you have any words of advice or encouragement to give from your experience?

A: Always put yourself first – whether it’s your safety/peace (I know it’s a shame I have to say this), or whether it’s your authenticity and queer joy. Coming out is entirely your choice and no one else’s. You are completely valid either way – no one is any less queer or trans for not telling people! Also, remember we’ve got a super friendly LGBT+ society at Leicester you can connect with!

• Jazz, former Equality & Liberation Champion (she/her)

Personally, as a non-binary person of colour, coming out is something that can feel messy and rather daunting. However, the resounding message of these insightful accounts is one of hope and joy, of finding those who accept you and in turn, helping you accept yourself.

Matt Ong is a final year student studying Biological Sciences.